Releasing old traumas can be as painful as cutting into an old scar. It can feel as raw as it did the day it happened. We hold memories in our minds, and these memories get stored in our bodies. Many of the aches and pains we experience can be blockages waiting to be released. These pains can prevent us from moving into a place of healing. Releasing those traumas makes room for personal growth to occur.
After taking my Reiki training I began to see my body as a vessel with pockets of trapped energy. While on my yoga mat the other day I was contemplating why my hips and legs felt so tight all the time. I never seemed to feel much relief despite my best efforts. The first thing that came to mind was the trauma I had experienced with the birth of my first child. I realized I couldn’t create space in my body where emotional pain was stored.
What started off as such a beautiful exciting experience evolved into a living nightmare. After labouring for thirty six hours with no sleep, an ambulance ride from one hospital to another, and being poked and prodded by countless medical professionals, I felt trapped in this endless horrible dream. I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I could hear the voices of encouragement from my mother and husband, but I was so overcome with pain that I felt numb. After my son was finally born I could hear the doctor yelling, “Open your eyes. Look! It’s your baby boy!” I couldn’t open my eyes despite how desperately I wanted to. The last thing I remembered was looking up at my husband who was wiping tears from his face. The love for son radiated out of him and filled the room. And then there was nothing. Just darkness. I remember only bits and piece of the next two days. My body shut down. I went into a place I can’t describe. That trauma triggered postpartum depression among many other problems. Over the years I released bits and pieces of that experience, going on to have two more amazing children that brought me some much healing. But learning to let go of the feelings of isolation, fear and failure from that event were much harder and took me years to work through. Revisiting this trauma was incredibly difficult but it was what I need to do to find a new sense of freedom.
Trauma comes in all sorts of forms and degrees and everyone experiences these painful moments differently. But the more we allow ourselves to let go of these negative experiences we’ve had, the easier we can live our life with fullness. Looking back, I can see how my mother and husband surrounded me with so much love and support. They protected me and gave me the strength when I needed the most. Every time I held my son I was reminded of all the beauty that came from such a difficult event. When you step back, you can start see the beauty that exists in the trauma. This is when you are able to slowly move through it. To grow from it. To break free of the the heaviness that exists in it. This is when energy can flow more freely and a sense of freedom can arise.