Healing doesn’t always come in the form we sometimes wish it would. Healing from traumas, or even physical chronic pain can be a difficult process. It can sometimes leave scars that will always remain, forever changing the way we see our world. Accepting our new state of being can bring about a bumpy road. Our pain and experiences are unique to ourselves. They have built us into who we are today. They are there to help us inspire others to find their own level of healing. By sharing these scars and putting ourselves out into the world we can offer healing light for someone else that is trapped in their own darkness.
Many nights I would lay trapped in my own body, unable to move the pain was so unbearable. I spent much of my life trying to be normal. Maybe that was the problem. My body wasn’t normal. Growing up I was always sick. I was the one that couldn’t eat most things without ending up bed bound afterwards. Chronic stomach disorders had paved the path for me developing two eating disorders over the last seventeen years. As a teenager I could never keep anything down with out feeling excruciating pain. My unhealthy answer at the time was to stop eating. My fight with Bulima started two years ago. I started binging on food to cope with emotional pain, pushing the feelings down with food. However, my stomach couldn’t handle the type and the amount of foods I was eating. I had to purge to feel relief. This grew into a series of destructive behaviours. I felt lost in darkness, with no hope in the horizon. I gave up on my body, and myself. I couldn’t find my strength.
I spent the last year learning to find balance again and move away from these destructive behaviours. I started a journey to finding a plant based, whole foods, vegan diet consisting of mostly raw, unprocessed foods. This changed my life. I began to heal my stomach and experience what it felt like not to be ill everyday. After almost twenty years of doctor visits and procedures I had a few diagnoses which still managed to leave me in the dark on what to do. But I finally found relief in this simple lifestyle. I realized for me being “healed” doesn’t mean having a perfectly functioning stomach the way others do. Being “healed” for me means taking care of myself emotionally, and monitoring my diet precisely.
Sometimes we have to accept that our path doesn’t always look the way we want it to. But even though we carry those scars we can learn to rise above them, and show them off proudly. We can choose to not let our challenges define who we are. Through the lessons we learn we can offer guidance to others in need. We can show our strength in how we survived and overcame these struggles and found hope again. Healing is feeling freedom from the pain. Pains that can keep us trapped. By fully accepting our limitations it allows us to experience freedom and healing on a deeper level.